Just How Far Will People Go To Feel Loved

by Alexandra McAllister on April 3, 2012

Do We Trust Blindly At Any Age? Do We Ever Learn?

You may be wondering why I'm asking.  Well, it was unusually hot today so I decided to take my 2 little fur-kids for a walk .  I worked all morning and needed a break.  I've lived in the same area for a number of years, so I usually bump into someone I know.  Today, was no exception.

What started out as a simple "Hello, how are you?" ended up with both of us in tears!

My friend, an older, lonely man thought he'd find a "girl friend" online.  Needless to say, he did BUT she was much, much younger and living in another country! 


You know the rest of the story! She said she "fell in love" with him…..was studying to be a doctor….needed money for her sick mother's operation…  Of course, her phone was out of order so he could not speak with her!

We chatted for a couple of hours.  He said he was going to end the "relationship"  and not send any more money! I have my doubts. 

I slowly headed back home. I stopped at one of my favorite places to relax. I questioned how far one goes to feel loved. Perhaps, when we are lonely, we'll believe what we want to believe. Feeling loved, for whatever times it lasts, makes us feel good (even if it's not true love).

My little fur-kids, Kaylee & Gracie and I sat by the water. I meditated . I gave thanks for having dear friends. I looked for all the positive things in my life.

I've learned it is best to open up and speak with a friend that one trusts, when in doubt.  Don't be shy to ask for advice. Share you thoughts, feelings and be careful. Anyone at any age, at a weak moment, can get hurt!


Life really is beautiful and there are wonderful people in it. Listen to your heart, my dear friends. Listen to your heart.

Much love,

Alexandra McAllister



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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }

Norma Doiron April 4, 2012 at 8:35 AM

Great insight, Alexandra. I've known a few people that fell for that gimmick.  I agree, want so badly to be in a relationship that they have blinders on their eyes.  And, in the case of people I know, there was also a lot of naivete.  Those scammers know who to target.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM

Unfortunately, there are such horrible people in this world. There always was and will continue to be. I pray that my friend will have the strength to move on and chalk it up as experience!


Patricia Ogilvie April 4, 2012 at 9:01 AM

Hear-=felt story, Alexandra.  I hope that man finds what he's looking for.  Unfortunately he's not alone when it comes to NOT recognizing that love has to begin from the inside out.

That may sound cliche, however, without his loving himself first, he will undoubtedly continue to attract women and other people who don't love him and who take advantage of him.   Great job!


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM

I pray that he was strong enough to let go. He’s such a kind gentleman but as he said, being in a wheel chair limits his choice of women. I believe that is not true at all. A good woman will see past his challenges and love him for who he is. Thanks so much for your comment, Patricia.


Suzanne Jones April 4, 2012 at 9:09 AM

I am huge into 'listen to your heart'. We must do this for survival. Poor guy but I'm sure the first time $$$ came into the picture he must have had an incling and chose to look past it. I have found we must be 'right' with ourselves to not fall into situations like this. Hope he recovers and sticks to his word.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Yes, Suzanne, he says he fell in love with the picture. That picture could have been of anyone….I felt so bad for him. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of something like this and it won’t be the last. The best advice I could give him was to end all contact with this woman and to move on. I haven’t seen him since but I know I will. Praying he was strong enough to listen to his heart.


Sara Nickleberry April 4, 2012 at 10:32 AM

Sound advice. We have to listen to our hearts. Thanks for the post!


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:38 AM

Yes, Sara! That’s what I’m learning…..to listen to my heart…it is never wrong!


Sherie April 4, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Life really is beautiful, isn't it, Alexandra? This is a touching post and I feel for the older gentleman who felt so desperate for a relationship that he was willing to put up with that type of predatory behavior. I hope that he makes the right decision and ends his association with her.  I love your new site, good job!!


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 1:13 PM

Life is beautiful, Sherie. We must look towards the positive things in our lives. I am also hoping that my friend made the right decision. I’ll know the next time we cross paths. Thanks for the compliment on my site. It is just the beginning.


Dr. Daisy Sutherland April 4, 2012 at 11:48 AM

Thanks for sharing this story Alexandra although it is not new, it truly amazes me how many will still fall prey to it. It's sad to see so many get hurt when they are searching for love when in reality the love should first begin from within oneself. When you truly love yourself you will amazingly enough become more intuitive and not fall for situations that may end disastrous..thanks again for sharing your story and your wisdom with us all. Hugs!!:)


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 1:11 PM

Yes, it amazes me as well Dr. Daily. We do hear about things like this happening a lot but it hits home once it is someone we know. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I always appreciate them.


Michele April 4, 2012 at 3:01 PM

What a kind soul your friend is. The saddest thing of all is the person who is taking from him will never understand what they have missed.
That said, hope he really does end his entanglement with this person. He certainly deserves a better chance at love.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 4:19 PM

He does deserve a better chance at love for sure, Michele. He was really blind. He’s in his 80′s and she is in her 20′s! I can say I don’t know how he got into this in the first place but when one is lonely, love is blind!


Gina Parris April 4, 2012 at 3:08 PM

Oh God bless your dear neighbor, and bless YOU for taking the time to listen and even weep with his heartache. I hate that people are lonely. I hate to think of people online with thousands of virtual friends, or people sitting in our crowded churches, or people we talk to every day dealing with heart-crushing loneliness while we are all so busy. thank you for a lovely post. I pray I am a true friend to those around me.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 4:17 PM

Thank you for such a wonderful comment, Gina. I felt so bad for him and even worse when he cried…which he did several times. He’s sent this woman a lot of money which he didn’t have. He borrowed it! He is in my prayers and I look forward to seeing him soon. God bless you, Gina. Thanks again for your comments.


Carele Belanger April 4, 2012 at 3:38 PM

Great article Alexandra. unfortunately lots of people get stuck in that situation these day. Because emotions always make people blind. So important to get advices from people we trust before doing any action like this.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 4:15 PM

Yes, I wish I had know about it sooner but I don’t see him in the winter…I bump into him when I walk on the island. I am praying that he did drop her and is on his way to healing. What a lesson to learn.


denny hagel April 4, 2012 at 4:31 PM

The need to be loved begins at birth and never stops…so sad for your friend but he shouldn't feel bad for loving…that is never a mistake.


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 7:48 PM

Loving is never a mistake…perhaps…he never even met this woman…they “met” on the internet. Right then, he should have been more careful. I don’t see what a 20 year old would want from a man in his 80′s…other than the obvious. My heart goes out to him and to others who make themselves believe in love that truly does not exist. May they have the strength to see this and to move on. So nice of you to stop by, Denny. Wishing you a great week!


Theresa April 4, 2012 at 7:22 PM

Alexandra, It always makes me sad to hear these types of stories.  Unfortunately, they are all too common.  It really makes me angry to learn how often people take advantage of those who are lonely and may be feeling a little insecure in themselves.  Thank goodness that today your friend found an angel in you.  


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 7:45 PM

It hurt me as well, Theresa, to hear that someone had taken my friend for a ride…so to say! I’m not an angel, just a good friend that was there to listen to his story. Sometimes just talking about things, makes more sense. I hope I did help him see what was really going on. Thanks for stopping by.


RJ, the Hope Coach April 4, 2012 at 8:18 PM

Alexandra, what a precious message you share! "Listen to your heart" is a great reminder for me. I tend to be a passionate, driven, type A personality going a million miles an hour. Listening to my heart requires quiet, calm, and a willingness to look carefully and pay attention. VERY important – thank you!


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:26 PM

Ronae, thank you so much for your comment. “Listen to your heart” is also a great reminder for me. I believe we’ve all had a heart ache or two in our life….as long as we can learn something from it, we can move on. And you are right, it does require quiet & calm…something that is rare for me! LOL! I also run a million miles an hour! I pray that my friend will recover and one day, he will meet that special woman. It’s never too late.


Sue Glashower April 4, 2012 at 8:45 PM

Love is a powerful emotion and it is amazing what we will do to feel loved. So sad that your friend had to experience this!


Alexandra McAllister April 4, 2012 at 10:21 PM

I agree, Sue. I pray that he will heal and if love is what he wants, he will find it. It’s never too late or one is never too old to fall in love.


Elise Photini Adams (@ElisePhotini) April 5, 2012 at 1:39 AM

I totally agree, Alexandra…so very very important to keep wise and trusted friends close!  Great article…thank you for sharing so poignantly!


Alexandra McAllister April 5, 2012 at 9:37 AM

Thank you, Elise. I’m hoping that maybe someone who may be going through this at the moment, after reading this article, may open their eyes. Always great to see you drop in


Sue April 5, 2012 at 2:07 AM

How sad to realize the loneliness that many are feeling in their lives.  So true that "listening with the heart" is when we can break through some of that isolation that others are feeling.  Will pray for this gentleman as well that he realizes that even though this person took advantage of him, there are many good people in the world.   Thanks for sharing and God bless YOU!


Alexandra McAllister April 5, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Yes, Sue! I believe there are many good people in this world! I’m praying that my friend will learn through this and eventually find someone who truly is honest and loves him for who he is. God bless you, Sue!


Mommy Joys April 5, 2012 at 7:48 AM

This is a sad story, and all too common, I'm afraid. I live in Ukraine, and we see the other side of these stories far too often. You see a middle-aged Western man paired up with a gorgeous young Ukrainian woman, and immediately you start to make judgments. She wants a visa to the West so badly that she's willing to do almost anything to get it, and he is so desperate for a relationship that he's too blind to see the self-serving nature of his girlfriend's interest in him. Life can be very difficult here in Ukraine, and many people think that getting a green card to the U.S. will solve all their problems. Sadly, however, we've seen first-hand that if one is unable to be content in one situation, changing situations rarely solves the problem, especially when that change involves leaving behind family and friends, transplanting oneself to a completely different culture, learning a new language, etc. There are opportunities for contentment and discontentment in every situation, and I think the best solution is training ourselves to find the reasons for contentment in our present circumstances, whatever they may be. And certainly the support of trusted friends is invaluable in this process! I hope your friend can find joy and contentment too, and love in the end.


Alexandra McAllister April 5, 2012 at 9:41 AM

Sharon, thank you for your comment. Yes, I’ve heard what is going on in other countries and it is sad. I pray that my friend and everyone else who may be in a difficult situation, find joy and contentment and love in the end.


Tony Taylor April 5, 2012 at 5:12 PM

Some learn, and some never do.  Thanks for sharing Alexandra! Great read!


Rhonda Uretzky April 5, 2012 at 5:21 PM

It is always tricky to look for love in someone else's eyes; when the focus is on you it can feel wonderful, but eyes shift focus, Yes, other people can make you feel loved – but you must alwyas count on the perfect vision that sees that no matter what else shifts, you are always loved, from the only point of view that counts, and lasts.


Susan Myers April 6, 2012 at 9:09 AM

Well written  Alexandria!  I found it though provoking and a good question for one to really think about in their own life.


Susan Preston April 6, 2012 at 5:34 PM

My heart goes out to your friend, Alexandra! What is sad is that there probably are so many women who would have been honored and grateful to be in a relationship with such a loving and kind hearted man. I hope that this doesn't turn him off from opening his heart to someone who may be worthy of his love in the future. Thank you for sharing this. Have a beautiful Easter {hugs}


Stacey Myers April 6, 2012 at 9:10 PM

This is not an uncommon story.  My father fell for a similar trick.


Barbara Peters April 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

this is so well written and yes we like to find comfort and love where we can. At times we will turn a blind eye to the truth. Very Well Done Alexandria.


Carol Giambri April 8, 2012 at 12:19 AM

Alexandra, finding the right people to trust for me is the key. I don't like to speak to people who are quick to judge without connecting to my thoughts or hearing me out.  I love your picture of the  furries–the best friends in the world and I know you are their best mom.  They surely can trust you unconditionally.


Beth Heilman April 8, 2012 at 11:46 AM

Alexandra, what a good friend you are to have listened, without judgement, to someone who was obviously hurting. Love can be blind and sometimes the illusion of a relationship feels better than none at all. Your friend will be fine because he CAN attract the right people into his life…people like you! Thank you for sharing this story.


Carl Mason-Liebenberg April 10, 2012 at 6:11 AM

I have seen this happen with others close to me. And it always reminds how blessed I was to find authentic love online. I truly think it is a rare find. We all seek love and when the sesaons have been long without it, at any stage in our lives we are indeed vulnerable! It is very sad that there is someone waiting to take advanatage! Very sad! but there is hope! I found love and I know it is there and waiting for anyone who seeks it..online or off! 


Alexandra McAllister April 10, 2012 at 7:25 PM

WOW! You are truly blessed but then again, you are such a super person, no wonder you found love online! I believe if it is meant to be, it will happen…online, offline, “whatever!” We should be smart enough to see it. Some people do and others see things that are not there. So glad you found love! One day, it will be my turn as well.


Jennifer April 10, 2012 at 1:55 PM

What a sad story!  And how kind of you to take the time to listen.  Loneliness and the need to feel loved can lead to being taken advantage of at any age, but I think it's especially a problem as people get older and sometimes have fewer relationships.
Thanks for sharing this story.  Great picture of you and the fur-kids.
Jennifer recently posted..Linking Google+ to Your Blog: How to Install the rel=author Plug-inMy Profile


Alexandra McAllister April 10, 2012 at 7:23 PM

Yes it is sad but true! I actually was surprised by this because I know this gentleman from talking to him several times…sometimes for hours….and I never thought he would fall for something like this. You never know! Loneliness can make people do things that are unreasonable yet they seem to make sense at the time. Thanks for the compliment about me and my fur-kids! They are heart beats at my feet! Love them!


Lori April 10, 2012 at 10:57 PM

Thanks for sharing this story Alexandra!


Melinda June 18, 2012 at 10:00 AM

You're a wonderful friend that's like a sister. I'm blessed to have you in my life. I give God thanks everyday for you! :)  As far as your blog, it shows your caring side. And I love that. :) Keep on keeping on. 


Alexandra McAllister June 18, 2012 at 12:19 PM

You sure know how to put a smile on my face, Melinda! Thank you for being such a dear friend! Love ya!


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